No Solutions, Only Trade-Offs As A Life Philosophy

You don't need balance in every moment, just in aggregate

Recently, someone told me that, in life, there are no solutions, only trade-offs. Admittedly I had heard this before and had not thought much of it, and when I heard it again, I didn’t think much of it again. In fact, instinctively, I disagreed with this as I initially interpreted it as the pessimistic view that nothing can be perfect, there are pros and cons to everything and that when you try to add one thing in your life you take away something else. 

Until recently (like yesterday), I thought of life as a recipe. You only need to figure out how to mix the right ingredients in the right way as quickly as possible, then enjoy the perfect meal for as long as you got left (Years in life - Years spent figuring out the right balance). So in my life, I had the ingredients: interesting work, amazing friendships, strong relationship with my family, fun and spontaneity, and I was missing the ingredient of a creative outlet, and I could do better on the meaning and impact front. Of course, it's always a work in progress to maintain and grow all that I was blessed to have, but once I added in these missing ingredients, I would have laid the groundwork for the life I wanted. 

The Meal That Changed Everything

But as I think more deeply about this saying, I think it can be much more profound. I recently was lucky enough to get the chance to eat a multi-course meal at a nice restaurant and it was truly the most moving and enjoyable experience I have ever had eating food. What I realized is this restaurant doesn’t focus on making the perfect dish in the perfect quantity. Unlike most restaurants where you order your favorite dish, in this fancier restaurant there was a pre-set multi-course meal and what made it so special was not that every dish was perfect, but that every dish was different and paired perfectly with the dish before and after it. You got to have something spicy, then something sour, then something salty. It was a journey that just smacked you with just how much diversity in taste, texture, color, feel and everything else there was in food.

To me, this is what embracing life with the philosophy that there are no solutions, only trade-offs can really mean. That life is not a means to finding some perfect state to keep forever, but rather that each stage is beautiful in it’s own way because its a unique mix of life ingredients you get to try before the next stage which may have a completely different feel and its this rich diversity you get, not with one stage, but with the cumulative sum of all stages of your life that matters. 

Balance in Aggregate, not in Every Moment

For example, as a kid you may have wished you were an adult since adults didn’t seem to have to listen to anyone else or have a bedtime. And as an adult, you may think back and miss your carefree childhood days where you would use all of your imagination and be able to play with and meet others without any emotional baggage and not have the burden of having to worry about taxes. The best life may not be one where you are a childish adult forever, but rather one where you have a great unfettered childhood, where you fully take advantage of playtime and nap time (which you have to hide as an adult) and don’t worry too much about having a bedtime, but then also take full advantage of the control you finally have over your own destiny as an adult, even if there is a bit more worrisome accountability you have to deal with. There are trade-offs to being an adult and being a kid, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You get to fully savor the flavor of being in one part of life while you are in it, and then try a new different balance that may now be what is perfect.

For me personally this could mean not being so headstrong in just pushing to find a relationship or a path to meaning. Perhaps finding a relationship will mean having less time on weekends with the friendships that are still so new, that I cherish so dearly, and that even my entire weekends don’t seem enough for. Perhaps finding “the” path to ultimate impact and meaning would mean single minded focus and losing this wonderful journey of exploration of art, writing, stand-up and the nervous, but exciting weightlessness of being a beginner over and over again. Everything has trade-offs. 

I’m in no rush to get through my life and I want to fully be present for and live every part of it, the good and the bad. I do not want to always be waiting for, tirelessly working for, and almost always apologize for not being in the perfect state or the 100% realized vision I imagine for myself. It may come and I hope to always be getting better over time (15 meals poorly made would also have been a bad experience, there is nothing wrong with perfecting a recipe), but however the flavor of the current phase of life I’m in, I want to relish it the most I can.