Happiness is Like Exercise
How can we be satisfied, but continue needing to grow?
In modern times, it feels like a question we are constantly asking ourselves is: are we ambitious enough?. Today (at least in the West), it seems our societal role models are those who are insatiable. Insatiable mostly for what we all agree are good things like technological advancement and social progress amongst others, but insatiable nonetheless. And on the surface this attitude is probably what has led us to a lot of great stuff such as the iPhone, rockets on the moon, Twitter, etc., but to me it has always begged the question that if we should always be insatiable, then is being satisfied wrong?
I mean isn’t being satisfied the whole point? Isn’t that what happiness is? To me this has been a major conundrum for the longest time. On one hand, one of my greatest joys in life comes from the ability to grow in something (becoming better at piano, having a concept I didn’t understand before just click in my head, seeing something I’ve contributed to flourish). But on the other hand, it’s easy to start feeling like enough is never enough. To me, it can come to the point where satisfaction is the enemy because if you are satisfied, then that means that you are admitting that there is no further room for growth and you have nothing more to contribute. I usually end up choosing growth over satisfaction because the joy of more growth always feels worth giving up the feeling of being satisfied. But being unsatisfied all the time about everything you are doing also does not feel like the right answer. Can’t you have both?
Recently, I’ve come to think about this whole conundrum differently and it has helped me a lot. Instead of thinking about happiness as a goal or finish line you reach to achieve satisfaction, I’ve become to think about it more like a habit, like exercising.
You gotta do it every day, that’s the hard part
As we all know, the way exercise works is that the more you exercise, the healthier you get. But exercising a lot in one day doesn’t mean that you have reached some blissful state of perfect health. You still have to exercise the next day to maintain that state of health.
Happiness is the same way. You don’t grow until you reach the goal of being happy and then just like boom, magic, alakazam, and you are done and you don’t have to grow anymore. You have to keep doing it every day.
In my case, for example, I used to go through the day thinking that I had three general life goals I was working towards: I wanted a great job where I felt I left it all on table, I wanted great friends that I could connect and celebrate with, and I wanted to feel like I made a difference in the life of someone else. Now, let’s say I reach a day where I really feel like I’ve done it. I achieved all these goals. Is that it? Am I done? And are all subsequent days just a means to the end of reaching that day? What if I never reach that day, does that mean all the other days were in vain? (yikes, at least you tried as hard as you could to get as close as possible). Or is each day just a chance to practice the joy of doing deep work you are proud of, or getting to spend time with someone who is meaningful to you, to getting to do a kind act of service to someone else? I prefer to think of it as the latter.
It reminds me of the concept of finite and infinite games. Satisfaction is not a finite game you play to win and finish, the key is to focus on enjoying the game and continuing to play.
We’re all never done, but our levels differ
What I love about this analogy between exercise and happiness is that there is another way in which the two are similar. Even though all people need to keep exercising, it doesn’t mean all people are in the same shape, just like with happiness. Some people are just in better shape than others. For some it is because their environments have been far more conducive to being able to exercise than others: having a gym nearby, having supportive friends that work out with you, having been encouraged to play sports as a kid. For others, it may just be come naturally (and aren’t these a lucky bunch).
No one is ever done practicing joy, but that doesn’t mean we’re all in the same place. Some people are just more joyful than others, but just like any habit, you can craft your environment to set you up for success: live closer to your friends, find a new hobby, find a way to give back and more be of a part of your local community. Explore, notice what works, do more of it, and explore again.
With being in shape, we have all seen enough high school dramas (or maybe it’s just me) to understand that some people are just born luckier than others when it comes to how easy it is to stay in great shape. And yet, we still recognize that we have the autonomy to decide to atleast get into better shape than we are now and that this is a worthwhile endeavor. But somehow, when it comes to happiness it can both feel like all of our unhappiness is our own fault, and yet with all this control we are powerless to do anything about it.
Putting it all together
So what’s changed for me since putting this all together? I do still have goals and I do hope to grow in tremendous ways by learning new things, meeting new people, and just trying to understand the world better. But at the same time, I am no longer growing for the sake of making life perfect. Things are perfect, absolutely 100% perfect and yet I’m excited and need to keep growing because simply the act of doing so keeps them perfect. The growth is not a means to an end, it is the end in itself.